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RHYTHM ♥

Sunday, January 18, 2009

The hardest part in my life is when I am starting to have everything, the peak of my joy, but then, suddenly, I have to leave it all behind. I have to leave everything, all my pleasures and loved once to fulfill my destiny. I do not know what the future holds for me as I go on and leave things behind. I do not know if I am for this forever or if time comes and I will go back again.
I keep on asking, "God, why me?" and I also have many "What ifs.." on my mind. For several years, I tried to go on my own but I am still haunted. Haunted by what I should be. There is no assurance if I am for that, but my heart will never be contented and I will still be haunted by these thoughts if I will not try this. I have always been afraid to ask God for signs because I do not want to know His will for me. Why? Because I am afraid to face it. I am afraid of the future. I am afraid to be away from my loved ones. I am afraid to have detattachment. I do not want to leave things behind. I do not want to turn back on my dreams. I want to fulfill them. Yet, later I have discovered that my heart has its own dream; and its dream is what God wants me to do. But I am scared. I do not have the courage. But this time, I think I will try. Maybe this is the right time before it is too late.
Few months from now, I might be leaving. I am not so sure yet, but I think God is. This is hard for me to do. But the best time to do things is the time when one does not want to that thing. I offer it up for God. This is painful, but I have to.
Whoever reads this, please, pray for me as I will always pray for you there.
God Bless you!


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APPLAUSE ♥